Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Dangerously Unbalanced Woman

Look closely at the woman in the corner. See her yawn?
See why?

Christmas vacation here was pretty crazy. You know the movie with Chevy Chase where the weird relatives come to visit? We ARE the weird relatives. We spent a lot of time in our Sunday clothes at the funeral, viewing and a family baptism, and just church. The rest of it, we pretty much spent in our jammies. We drank out of bowls alot. I have a bunch of cups, but everyone takes one to their bedroom and then comes back for another, and pretty soon, we are drinking out of bowls. Sigh. Then we take a safari into the bedrooms to find the cups. The wild animal noises are provided by children because I said we would have to CLEAN UP. These are the code words to signal the wild behavior, and loud wailing.

You know the mental and emotional steps you go through anytime you have to defer to someone? I do that constantly. There are enough people in this house, that compromise is the way we function. After I do this for two solid weeks for 7-8 other people, well, lets just say I'm a little crazy right now. I don't care what anyone else thinks, or wants or needs. Talk to the hand! It might have something to do with my Suburban being dirty. You know how you see cars that say "wash me" written in the dirt? Mine says e=mc2 (squared). Caleb keeps writing it. If they were to dig my Suburban up in an archeological site, they would find such layers of detritis that they would dedicate entire teams to deciphering our culture. My family room is a jungle, my laundry looks like Everest. I'm sure I'll get altitude sickness when I tackle that one.

What I am trying to say here, is I need a vacation from the vacation! Monday was back to school. Every one of my kids had an emotional melt down of some sort. So Tuesday was my turn. (We try to take shifts.) I left the kids with frozen pizza for dinner and ran away. Not far, maybe not far enough, but I am back today, and the laundry that I woke up certain to do yesterday is still sitting there. I have more command of myself today, the tic has subsided into a periodic twitch, so maybe it will get done.

I feel bad. I usually welcome the break and the noise and fun of having my kids all at home. I think it is the added sadness and emotional work of comforting everyone that has taken the real toll. It has been hard. I say it here, because I realized last night that I haven't taken opportunity to talk about it much. Nathan has been gone from home alot, to be with his family, which is as it should be. But I haven't talked at length with anyone about my own emotional struggles. Lucky you!

My sister gave me a tile for Christmas that says "The only normal around here is a setting on the washing machine." This is accurate. If you see me in the near future, and my car is clean, and I have my make-up on, congratulate me, for we will have found our new normal for a moment. :)


Nanette said...

Oh I feel for you!
I was looking at the first picture with the tree and the yawn and thinking what a lovely, well put together house you have.
If you look at my Christmas pictures you will see literal piles of clutter....every where. And that is how it has been this whole year.
Sometimes I am so overwhelmed (or underwhelmed) that all I can do is sit paralyzed on the couch and think of all the things I should be doing.
A large hug and much love to you today for having the courage to write about it!

Karma said...

I am just glad to hear other mothers have those moments/days/weeks/years!!! I can't imagine dealing with Christmas break and the sadness of a family loss all at once!! January is normally a pretty slow month - may you get lots of rest and recuperation!!

Kristen and Co. said...

Oh, Jenny. I can so relate! It's OK to temporarily lock yourself in the bathroom with earplugs and chocolate from time to time (temporarily being the key word, unfortunately). I just wish I had figured that out earlier! Good luck!

Natalie said...

I loved reading your post! You say things in such a way that I become fascinated with them. I am glad you took a few minute break last night and sure wish I was closer to help you tackle Everest!

Arnica said...

Jenny, just want to tell you I love you, and was completely fascinated at your writing abilities once again. Dad rubbed off on you and Natalie, how did I become soooo unfortuneate?

Becky said...

thanks for making my life seem "normal" too! I am running away today for the weekend- up to a snowed in cabin in the mountains where not even a phone can reach me!! yeah for me!

so sorry to hear about Nate's dad. i haven't been on the blog lately i guess. so sorry we haven't called him.

I started my mountain climbing last night around midnight. got some of it done :)

Becky said...

by the way, the word verification for commenting was purfaty, i think that was rude to call me that!

AmyJo Denise said...

I have to applaud your wonderful attitude! It is an rare woman who can elegantly hide frustration with a smile, and stress with as much charisma as you do. You are such an inspiration. Don't sweat the small stuff. If there is anything I have learned from being in music, it is that it is impossible to achieve perfection...There's always tomorrow... and though it may bring more frustration and sorrow we can eventually pull ourselves up, pick up the pieces and put them back together, and the picture that we end up with is something completely new and unexpected...and entirely wonderful! The most reassuring thing is that we have each other to lean on, and lift up when we are fighting our upstream battles! I hope that many sunny days come swiftly your way! <3

Wendy said...

Jenny, if you still need help with that laundry, I'm there for ya. Then we can head out and take a walk looking for birds. I'm totally serious.

Thanks for sharing a bit of your stressed life in a way that brings a smile.